Fragments of a Romance: The Beginning
by AriandEzra
Summary: When you have that true bond with your soul mate, no one or anything should ever be able to break that apart. It's you against the world. Season 1 inner monologues. Co-written with sburke94!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! Here's the second series the inner monologues of Aria and Ezra, written by sburke94 and myself. Sburke94 is writing from Ezra's, so she'll kick us off!**

**"Forgive me" scene in 1x10**

**~Chance~**

If I didn't want a second chance, I wouldn't be here meeting you under the cover of darkness. But it seemed fitting. The black of night is like our relationship— frightening in the secrets it shadows, comforting in the security those same shadows provide, and beautiful in its mystery.

You're beautiful too, you know—even when you're angry.

And you're frightening. You terrify me, or rather the power you wield over me does. I've never fought so hard for one person, given up so much for one person. Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing so, putting myself on the line like this—it's my livelihood I risk, my future—and though I won't admit it, at least not yet, I'm risking my heart too.

I don't do that—the whole risk thing. I'm not a gambler, or at least I wasn't until I met you. So when you slide into the car and I whisper _thanks for meeting me_, what I'm trying to say is _thanks for not crushing my heart…yet. _

We're both on the defense, but I don't want to play this game of right and wrong, of lies and deception. So I cave. I swallow my pride and take the blame for everything that's happened. _I don't blame you. _

There's not even really blame to lay. I don't regret doing it—looking for a job in New York. I regret what it caused, but I don't regret leaving. Because I did it for you, don't you see? I want us without all the complications.

Us. You and Me. Me and You. Aria and Ezra. Ezra and Aria. Us.

That's slightly hypocritical though, isn't it? We are the very definition of complex. There's no black and white with us, no safe ground. It's all grey matter and blurry lines and clouded emotions. Just when we think we've got it figured out, the universe throws us for another loop. But we take it. We take it and don't ask questions.

We take it because we love each other. I won't say it now though. I can't—not when there's a chance it'll be thrown back in my face and you'll walk away. So instead I settle for _I was wrong. _

It's the beginnings of an apology. And for a moment I wonder if it's going to be enough. Then you're spitting fire, accusing me of playing God with things I had no right to—like feelings. Briefly, the thought of what you're leaving unsaid crosses my mind. _I'm messing with your heart. _

So you're right. I'm wrong. Can't that be enough?

Desperation's setting in. You're still tense and angry and devastatingly beautiful. And I'm still at fault. There's no progress being made and I'm quite certain I'll crack if you don't change your mind. You have to. We have to compromise. I've given, now you've got to take.

And then you do—sort of.

_Forgive me. _

When I whisper the words, we're close, and you're drifting closer—though I think the movement is unconscious. Yet still there's conflict in your eyes, that stubbornness that always screws things up. I can't let you screw things up. Not when this relationship means everything to me, everything to you, everything to us. And after a few more seconds, after you've whispered your half-hearted _no_, I wonder if I'm asking too much. But I've always asked too much of you; why change things now?

Again, _forgive me. _

We're so close this time, we're practically kissing.

You give this little pained intake of breath, somewhere between a sharp gasp and a heavy sigh. Then your lips are against mine, and we _are _kissing. It's almost violent, the passion in it. It's rough and there's that desperation I've been feeling all along, and it's so unlike any other one we've ever shared.

But I'll take it. I'll take what you're giving me, for in that kiss you're offering me a second chance.

I'm taking it.


	2. Aria: Self Control

**Aria's POV during the "Forgive Me" scene during 1x10. Written by me!**

**~Self Control~**

If I had any self control, I wouldn't be in this car right now. Because, I know, that no matter how hard we try, we can never be just _us._ But your simple text sent me padding through the blackest night. This night somewhat reminds me of our relationship. Dark because of our situation, mysterious because of our secrets, and passionate, like our love.

There, I said it. I love you. But I wouldn't dare say it to your face. For starters, I'm angry with you right now, and secondly, I'm not sure if you feel entirely the same way. But maybe I'm second guessing us. Maybe you do feel the same way, or why would you have called me out here in the middle of the night? Why would you text have been that pleading?

As we're sitting here in your car, the heating system cranked up to warm me from the cold I had recently run through. I feel semi-startled. I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to kiss you and make up for lost time, and the other is too angry to even look at you. How could you have written down all those feelings, but just completely throw the prospect of us away?

I was always the spitfire of the group. The stubborn one. Sometimes even, the one to take a risk once and awhile. But I'm afraid to risk my heart to you, because I'm sure that you'll take it from me. You already have half of it.

Your voice seems shaky as you thank me for meeting you. Don't worry Ezra. I'm not going to crush your heart. But you might crush mine. Even a small glance from sends my mind into a tizzy.

We sit there, letting ourselves be wrapped up by the silence. It's not the good kind of silence, but the almost awkward one. That never happens with us.

Please don't let your pride get in the way tonight. I've dropped all my defenses. I wait, as you seem to be mulling over something in your head.

I just wish we could be Aria and Ezra. The simple, happy, and in love couple. The couple who has the future of a white picket fence, two kids and a lab. But we never know where our future is going to go. We could be found out about at any moment.

Our relationship is like an intricate orchestra piece. We can't have the simple little melodies like a scale. We have to be the most difficult piece that even the most skilled orchestra has trouble playing, and they mess up once or twice. Or even a hundred times.

Why do we keep running around in these circles? We move past something, but then the universe sends us into another maze. I think I have the answer though. Could it be possibly that we love each other?

I'm certain that I love you. But I can't let you know that quite easily. Suddenly, my spitfire tendencies are let off, and you shirk away from me.

I love you, Ezra, but did you really have to be such a jerk? I gave you my whole heart, and it isn't your job to suddenly decided fate for us. That's some other power's job. We're only here to follow the path.

I can see you becoming desperate. You don't want to lose me. Well, buddy, I don't want to lose you either. The anger is still fueling my body, but you seem to move closer. Your lips look warm and inviting, but I can't. I'm angry at you, remember?

I'm screwing things up again, aren't I? I'm being stubborn. You whisper _forgive me_, and I find myself leaning towards your lips. The stubborn side of me yells in protest, and I hesitate for a bit.

You come even closer; your lips practically ghosting over mine as you whisper _forgive me_ again. And I can't hold it back anymore. My intake of breath is a cross between a pain and a sigh, and our lips meet in a passion almost too passionate to be qualified as such. It's not as tender as our past kisses, but I'll take what I can get. I've missed you.

Screw self control.


	3. Ezra: Remembrance

**Here's sburke94 with Ezra's POV when Aria tells him "I Love You" in 1x13. Please review! We'd love to hear your feedback!**

**~Remembrance~**

If I have one request, it's that you'll remember me—remember what we had—remember what we have.

What we have isn't much. It's a too small apartment that's sparsely furnished and reeks of old Chinese food. It's bookshelves full of ungraded papers and random knickknacks. It's the definition of a bachelor pad. But for us, it's everything.

It's every week night we spent holed up here just to steal a few hours and a few kisses. It's Saturdays with lucky charms and old movies. It's everything that's been us, everything that could've been us.

But after tomorrow, after I hand in my resignation, it won't be. I'll box all of this up, everything that reminds me of you, and I'll move on.

And I'm not really sure where this leaves us. This isn't goodbye; at least I don't want it to be. But maybe, maybe for now it has to be.

So where do we stand?

Noel Kahn is ruining us—or at least attempting to in his pathetic adolescent boy way. I can't let him do that. _I can't let him ruin us._ We're taking the only out we have—I'm taking the only out I have.

This is it. You know it. I know it.

And as terrible as I feel, as screwed up as this entire situation seems—although that is probably partially due to the two glasses of Scotch I had before you arrived—it's not.

We're not screwed up.

_We're not wrong. _

We've realized that though, haven't we? Somewhere between forever and happily ever after, we realized that no matter how messed up things seem, _we are not wrong_.

And I won't let some teenage guy shift things around so that they are wrong—because they aren't. And it's something that shouldn't be within his power.

Yet it is. It is and because of that I'm trading my dreams for this mess of memories. But in every way, it's worth it. I'd trade my freedom for the feeling of your small body pressed against mine like it is right now.

And I'd do it for one reason, for one simple phrase_ I love you. _

But then you've said it first, and I'm quite sure how to respond. I could say it back, couldn't I? That seems the easy thing to do, doesn't it? Yet I don't, and then you're kissing me. So I settle for pulling you closer, for crushing your tiny frame against me.

This is all I need. Forever.

You and Me. Me and You. Aria and Ezra. Ezra and Aria.

Forever.

But we can't have forever, can we? That'd be too much to ask for. So we have tonight—one last night to hear you, to see you, to hold you. It's painful, this feeling. Would you believe me if I said leaving was like ripping out my heart and handing it to you? Would you?

I don't know and I don't ask. Instead I settle for kissing you. If I can focus on that, if I can focus on you, I can forget that this is our last night.

My mind still hasn't processed that. Our forever has been reduced down to now.

Now is a few hours. Now is too short.

A small part of me wonders if I've hurt you because I didn't say it back, but then I think of how well you know me, and of how you _must_ know exactly how I feel.

So no, Aria. Tonight will never be enough. But remember it, because we have to find some way to make it be enough.

Remember it.

Remember us.

Remember me.


	4. Aria: Time

**And here I am with Aria's POV from when she said "I Love You" in 1x13! Please review!**

**~Time~**

If we had all the time in the world, then I wouldn't feel so rushed. I wouldn't have raced up the stairs to this little apartment, but rather have taken one step at a time. I wouldn't have charged into our little safe haven. I know it's not much; just a little space strewn with papers that have to be graded, untouched books, and Chinese take out boxes, but this is _our_ space.

It's our space to just be together and our space to just be Aria and Ezra. Not student and teacher. Not an illicit relationship.

And I feel like I'm in a rush to get this out; I love you. It'll probably spew out at any moment, because right now, we only have tonight. Tomorrow afternoon could be the end of it all. Well, maybe not the end, but goodbye for a while.

Damn Noel. It's my fault we got roped into this. If I had just refused to go to that concert with him, none of this would've happened. If I hadn't almost kissed him, I wouldn't have led him on, and he wouldn't have gone to find me in the woods. You'll probably just say it isn't my fault; it's Noel's pubescent mind, but it isn't.

And now, you might have to leave. And it's my entire fault.

Sometimes, I like to think about us. Okay, so it's not sometimes, it's all the time. In truth, we're not wrong. Sure, a little screwed up, but not wrong. We together are not wrong because we're two people in love.

And I guess that's exactly what you're trying to communicate to me now. When you tell me you let Noel change something that feels so right into something that feels wrong, I know you love me. It's clear and written across your face. My heart gives a little leap in my chest, knowing that my declaration won't be rejected.

Ezra, I'm sorry. I'm sorry this all had to be like this. I shouldn't have enticed you to kiss me that day in the bar. If we had just talked, we wouldn't be in this mess. I would've been the pretty girl who sat a row away from the windows and you would've been my AP English teacher.

I know I said I don't regret anything that's happened. And that's the truth, I don't regret us. I just regret that this had to happen when I was 16 and you were 22.

Maybe I'm just feeling this regret because I'm so nervous. Nervous about tomorrow's outcome. I'd give anything to have more time. My whole world feels complete when you press me up against your body like you are now.

I've always been the more irrational one in our relationship, you being the deep thinker. I don't think I can hold it in any longer. So here goes nothing.

_I love you._

You're speechless. It's ok Ezra. You don't have to tell me tonight. They way your looking at me is enough confirmation. I'm leaning in to kiss you and momentarily, our lips are upon one another, in a turbulent, passion filled kiss.

This is what I need. I need you. I need the comfort you bring me. I need the love you give me.

You pull my small frame closer, and I hungrily kiss you back. You arms entwine around my waist and mine rake through your hair.

I'm going to miss this. All the time in the world wouldn't be enough for this. I wish you'd stop looking at me like it's the last time you'll see me. But part of me knows this may be it for us and our romance.

But we only have tonight, Ezra. So let's make it worthwhile.


	5. Ezra: Common Sense

**Here is sburke94 with Ezra's inner monologue about 1x14 when he says "I love you" to Aria :) Review!**

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><p><strong>Common Sense<strong>

If I had any common sense, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You're staring at me like I'm the bad guy…again. But this time, maybe I am. For once, the argument we're having isn't about right or wrong, being caught, or being exposed. It's almost normal—and I think that scares me.

You're jealous, and while it's incredibly adorable, it's also slightly frustrating. This is one of those moments when I notice our age difference most—and I don't notice it very often. _It was just coffee, Aria. _Nothing more. Nothing less.

And really, there's no competition to be had between the two of you. Yes, Simone is everything you've pointed out: smart, and funny, and beautiful. And I do love her writing, and we could leave my apartment at the same time.

But none of that really matters. _I don't want anyone if they're not you._

I feel like my inner monologue is from some sort of romantic chick flick—you know that line from some movie—that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, the world series kind of love—that right there is how I feel about you. You give me the type of feeling people write novels about.

That's why it's slightly preposterous, this doubt and insecurity you're harboring. Explain to me where it's coming from, because I sure as hell don't know.

Well that's a lie. I know where the doubt is stemming from. It's because I didn't say it back the other night, isn't it? I didn't say I love you. So yes, in theory I am the bad guy.

I'm the bad guy because I was too afraid to tell you how I felt that night.

But you'll forgive me though, right? You always do.

There are plenty of poetic things I could say—and honestly, I have a few bouncing around in my head. But I'll squelch them down— now's not the time or place. Instead, I'll settle for the _I love you_ you deserve—or some form of it.

This isn't how I wanted to say it, mind you. I had this plan—a melt your heart kind of plan. There were going to be roses, and candles, and quite possibly some soft music—would that have been too much? Of course, it doesn't matter—that plan is now shot to hell.

Instead, we're standing in the school parking lot, doing our best not to be noticed. This is risky. I'm risking for you, happy?

And clearly we're not using common sense. This is about as far from logical and safe as we could go.

But because I love you, because I have that Hollywood, starry eyed gut feeling every time I look at you, we are.

So, screw the common sense thing. It's not really us anyway.

Us. Me and You. You and Me. Aria and Ezra. Ezra and Aria. Us.

Remind me again. _Why are we having this conversation?_ Because I'm looking at you, looking at your soft curls, form fitting dress, and breathtaking eyes, and I'm wondering why you think I'd want anyone else. So Aria, _why are we having this conversation?_

There's no answer, so I settle for the best explanation I can give. The one that makes the most sense.

_I am already in love with someone else. _

Someone else as in you. You Aria. You're the only one that matters.

And I lean to kiss you. We're so close—so close that when a group of girls giggle a few cars over and ruin the moment I want to shout at them for ruining this moment.

But I can't. I can't yell at them, and I can't kiss you. Not here.

Common sense has finally kicked in.


	6. Aria: Jealous

**And here I am with Aria's inner monologue for the exact same scene in 1x14! Review!**

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><p><strong>Jealous<strong>

If I didn't feel so jealous, we wouldn't be outside in the school parking lot. You wouldn't be leaning up against your car, and I wouldn't feel as rigid. You're the bad guy this go around Ezra; not A, not Noel, not my parents. Then again, the blame shouldn't be totally on you. I told you that you should go for coffee with Simone even though I felt otherwise. I'm just too stubborn to admit it.

Our confrontation is different in a way. It's not about our age difference or getting caught or if us together is right or wrong. It's a normal argument between a couple and the feeling is slightly exhilarating! I'm not proud that our first normal moment outside of the apartment is a petty fight, but I'll take what I can get.

And for the record, I am not acting like a child. I can see the realization of our 6 year age difference in your eyes. I have every right to be jealous! You went out for coffee with my old babysitter! Sure, it may be completely amicable on your side, but far from it on Simone's. I can just see her lust for you in her eyes. And I don't like it.

It's times like this where I hate the sneaking around. I want to be able to hold your hand in public, dance with you at a school dance, and stake my claim so that no bit—ok, so maybe that's a bit harsh, but I mean stake my claim so that no girl can come on to you.

I don't see why you just don't drop me for Simone. She has everything. She's a published author, funny, smart, beautiful—the list could go on and on. Most importantly, she's your age.

She can hold your hand, or dance with you in public. I'm letting all my insecurities out because inside, I'm terrified to lose you. You still haven't told me that you loved me. I told you; even in the toughest time when we thought our whole world was going to fall apart. But you have yet to tell me. So ignore how the blame is both on us. It's on you. You're to blame for all the doubt spewing from my insides.

But I can't not forgive you. It's a minor offense; it happens with couples all the time.

Seeing Simone completely hang all over you tonight was enough to make me burst. I wanted to scream "He's mine", by my better judgment took hold. Thank God Spencer intervened when she did, or we would've been screwed.

Now, we're standing in the school's parking lot, your arms are folded across your chest. You look tired of talking sense into me, but I can't help but be stubborn. She's who you should be will. Not your little high school student.

I wish you'd tell me that you love me already. Maybe it would make the jealousy subside. The feelings I get when we're together are those butterfly jittery feelings. It's like that giddy feeling that you don't like having, but at the same time it's all together fantastic.

You're eyes say the same about you're feelings. They're there and completely visible. You just haven't voiced them yet.

_Aria, why are we even having this conversation?_

I can't really answer you without seeming childish or sheepish. The answer is simple; I'm jealous. You can see that, but I'm not going to admit it.

We're both quiet, and the music is pounding out from inside the school. I look at you, and remember why I'm feeling this way; I love you.

The quiet moment flees and you speak.

_I'm already in love with someone else. _

You've said it, Ezra. You've finally said it. We're about the lean in for a kiss, but the giggles from a gaggle of girls interrupt us and we remember where we are. I feel satisfied though. You've told me that you loved me.

The jealousy's gone by the way.


End file.
